A Bit of Silliness

A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the late mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal idea from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a workstation.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In an emergency, notify": I put "A DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go... Others, whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Love and Friendship

No, no, this post has nothing to do Jane Austen’s satirical short story. That is a post for another day. This post will address the difficulties that people face in their attempts to forge friendships that are lasting. In this day and age “social networks” such as myspace and facebook thwart these efforts every which way. Although these networks can be used as tools to connect and stay in contact with people, they do not facilitate very deep connections between people.


They can only operate on a superficial level, to check the status of the people on your friends list, to chat occasionally, etc. Such things help us to stay informed as to our friends' and acquaintance's movements in their day-to-day lives, but it cannot assist us in knowing the state of our friends hearts and minds. This can only be obtained through true conversation, whether face-to-face, in a letter or on the telephone.

There is an intangible, yet very real, connection of minds and hearts that is completely lost when posted for the whole world to see. True friends take personal interest in the feelings and ideas of those they have befriended, not just their recent activities. True friends are able to bear their souls to one another and feel safe in the knowledge of mutual understanding.